Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
