in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
