I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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