it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
