The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
