if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
