ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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