someone owes me an orgasm
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
