you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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