Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
