Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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