I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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