sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
