You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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