if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
