If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
