would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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