I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Randomize
