Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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