im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
