He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
