his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
