I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
