Define "chronic" masturbator.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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