That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
