Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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