Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
