So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
one might say we're banned from that church
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
