I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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