okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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