dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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