i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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