he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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