I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
porn star boner night. come get it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
