i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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