textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
