so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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