she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
