Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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