I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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