home. puking in laundry basket.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
