yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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