ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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