we have pet lesbian snakes
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
