I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
