sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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