i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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