I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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