Cold hands, warm shart.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
