Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just invented taco cereal.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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