I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
