He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
