Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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