I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
