i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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