CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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