we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
