It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
